Philippa

HOW TO GET TO HEAVEN FROM IRELAND

A true Story from an Irish Sunday School Teacher

I was testing children in my Dublin Sunday school class to see if they understood the concept of getting to heaven.

‘I asked them, ‘If I sold my house and my car, had a big garage sale and gave all my money to the church, would that get me into heaven?’

‘NO!’ the children answered.

‘If I cleaned the church every day, mowed the garden, and kept everything tidy, would that get me into heaven?’

Again, the answer was ‘NO!’

‘If I gave sweets to all the children, and loved my husband, would that get me into heaven?’

Again, they all answered ‘NO!’

I was just bursting with pride for them. I continued, ‘Then how can I get into heaven?’

A little boy shouted out: ‘YUV GOTTA BE FOOKN’ DEAD.’

It’s a curious race, the Irish. Brings a tear to the eye, doesn’t it?

ER

Good news: control your data

Dear Reader,

Diablog is a bit silent right now. The head honcho is still very busy, and so am I. But the following good – or rather excellent – news need sharing.

Let me start with the tl;dr (too long, didn’t read):

The FreedomBox is ready for productive use.

In case you forgot, here now the longer part.

Since 2011 I am advocating for more privacy and for us to take back control over our data. And I am very much against censorship.

Yet, the last five to six years we have seen governments and companies going exactly the other way. The USA, UK, France, Switzerland and even Germany increased mass spying, instead of reducing it. F*c*book, Google, Microsoft and other internet biggies are taking and selling more of your data than ever.

Already in 2011 some very smart people wanted to reverse this mis-development. They started the FreedomBox. And diablog donated to make it happen. In 2012 I wrote this little post explaining it a bit.

Like many software projects it took a while. And since the hardware changed quite dramatically in the meantime, FreedomBox had to adjust. In 2014 I almost lost patience, as you can read here.

Now the developers – thank you debian – announced at debconf17, that the software bundle for a FreedomBox is what is called “stable”. It is ready for productive use.

During the next few weeks I will get one ready and keep you posted.

To quote Craig Ferguson, an American late night talker originally from the UK:

“It is a good day for America”.

Stay tuned,

Engine Room

Philippa

What’s going on at the White House

Trump went to London and met with the Queen.

“Your Queen-ship, “ he asked her. “I am finding things way more difficult than I could have imagined. May I ask you – how do you run such an efficient government? Are there any tips you can give me?”

“Well,” replied Her Majesty, “the most important thing is to surround yourself with intelligent people.”

Trump frowned.

“But how do you know the people around you are really intelligent?” he asked.

“Oh, that’s easy” the Queen replied. “You just ask them to answer an intelligent riddle”.

She pushed a button on her intercom. “Please send Theresa May in here.”

The Prime Minister walked into the room.

“You called for me, Your Majesty?”

“Answer me this, if you would, Theresa. “ the Queen said. “Your mother and father have a child. It is not your brother and it is not your sister. Who is it?”

Without pausing for even a second, Theresa May answered, “That would be me.”

“Yes! Very good,” said the Queen.

Trump went back home, returned to the White House and the very next day called for Mike Pence to come and see him.

Pence duly trotted in to the Oval Office

“Mike, answer this for me,’ said the Don. “Your mother and your father have a child. It’s not your brother and it’s not your sister. Who is it?”

“I’m not sure,” said Pence. “Let me get back to you on that one.

Pence went panicking off to his advisers and asked everyone, but none of them could give him an answer.

The next night, as it happened, Pence ran in to Hillary Clinton in a restaurant. By now, desperate for an answer to give to his tyrannical boss, he approached her much to her surprise.

“Hillary, I know we haven’t always seen eye to eye but I would really appreciate it if you could answer this riddle for me

“Sure, Mike “Hillary said. “I’m not one to hold a grudge. What is it?”

“Thanks,” said Pence,” It’s this. Your mother and father have a child and it’s not your brother or your sister. Who is it?”

Hillary answered right back, “That’s easy, it’s me!”

Pence smiled, “Thanks!”

Pence then went back to speak with Trump. “Say, boss, I did some research and I have the answer to that riddle. It’s Hillary Clinton.”

Trump got up, stomped over to Pence, and angrily yelled at him. “No, you idiot! It’s Theresa May!”

… AND THAT, MY FRIENDS, IS PRECISELY WHAT’S GOING ON AT THE WHITE HOUSE.

ER

Have another coffee

Dear Reader,

Finally, I was able to talk to the head honcho of diablog, Mr. Glynsky himself, Guess my surprise, when I found out, I am not on one of his many block lists. His army of beautiful, yet utterly useless, secretaries and assistants passed my call on to him. And what did he say?

“I’m in the middle of something, let me call you back.”

Yeah, we’ve all heard that before.

But, he did. He called, after many hours. And I am at liberty to reveal, the reason for his extended silence is … work.

Really, that’s what he claims. He is swamped or drowned in work. I hear you gasp. As in real work. Paid work. I cannot believe the gentleman has lowered his life style that much, but that’s what he claims. So, the gentleman is out to increase is already vast fortune.

While I am here, drinking coffee. My love for coffee is well documented here on diablog. And now there is an even better reason for coffee:

“Coffee drinking was associated with reduced risk for death from various causes.”

Yep, coffee drinkers live longer. There you have it. And this does not come just from me, this comes from a proper scientific study. The European Commission had it done, and the correlation between coffee consumption and a longer life is proven beyond reasonable doubt.

Now, it could be, that coffee drinkers are healthier people in general. I don’t care.

More tea for the English, please. Since you dislike coffee and the EU so much. I’ll continue to enjoy plenty of espressi, and watch them die younger. And here is the song to go with it:

Sting – Englishman in New York

Cheers,

Engine Room