our tech support 1…

Dear diablog,

Several of our female readers have, over time, requested and had valued ‘servicing’ from the redoubtable Engine Room of whom we even have secret film of him at ‘work’


Sometimes, though, only the written word conveys all you want to say.

One of the best ever Techsupport letters comes from Philippa


Dear Technical Support,

18 months ago, I upgraded to Girlfriend 1.0 from DrinkingMates 4.2, which I had used for years without any trouble. However, there are apparently conflicts between these two products and the only solution was to try and run Girlfriend 1.0 with the sound turned off.

To make matters worse, Girlfriend 1.0 is incompatible with several other applications, such as LadsNightOut 3.1, Football 4.5, and Playboy 6.9. Successive versions of GirlFriend proved no better.

I tried a shareware program, Slapper 2.1, but it had many bugs and left a virus in my system, forcing me to shut down completely for several weeks. Eventually, I tried to run GirlFriend 1.2 and Girlfriend 1.0 at the same time, only to discover that when these two systems detected each other they caused severe damage to my hardware.

I eventually upgraded to Fiancée 1.0, only to discover that this product soon had to be upgraded further to Wife 1.0. While Wife 1.0 tends to use up all my available resources, it does come bundled with FreeSexPlus and Cleanhouse2005.



Shortly after this upgrade, however, I found that Wife 1.0 could be very unstable and costly to run. Any mistakes I made were automatically stored in Wife 1.0’s memory and could not be deleted. They then resurfaced months later when I had forgotten about them. Wife 1.0 also has an automatic Diary, Explorer and E-mail filter, and can, without warning, launch TurboStrop and Multi-Whinge. These latter products have no Help files, and I have to try to guess what the problem is. Additional problems are that Wife 1.0 needs updating regularly, requiring ShoeShop Browser for new attachments and Hairstyle Express which needs to be reinstalled every other week. Also, when Wife 1.0 attaches itself to my Saab93 Convertible hard drive, it often crashes. Wife 1.0 also comes with an irritating pop-up called MotherInLaw, which can’t be turned off.

Recently I’ve been tempted to install Mistress 2005, but I’ve been told there could be problems. A friend of mine has alerted me to the fact that if Wife 1.0 detects Mistress 2005, it tends to delete all of your Money before uninstalling itself.

Any advice would be helpful, many thanks.



Even ER was left flummoxed!

Yours, diablog, trying all the channels


9 thoughts on “our tech support 1…

  1. I am shocked and appalled by the sexist tone of the above.
    You would never find someone like myself writing about women in this manner.
    If Mrs G reads this article she will cook your gonads in one of her wonderful pastas.

  2. 1) The song is horrible, the original as well as the cover version.
    2) The “letter” is very, very old. I think it dates back to the early 90s.
    3) I am not flummoxed, whatever that might mean.

    Needless to say, I would never have a “pornstache” like the guy in the video.


  3. A real Moaning Minnie. Funny, both have same origin.
    Casper, look that up.
    By the way, where is Casper? I have not been confuised for days.

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