Glynsky

here we go, here we go..,.,

Dear diablog,

The New Year seems to have brought all sorts edible treats which have lead to the inevitable ‘ballooning’ of Glynsky’s profile (much to the pleasure, probably, of Smiles – comments anticipated!).

In an effort to (possibly!) address this I have decided on radical action and am very tempted to join a convenient

Zumba class! Apparently even the elusive Pete might join me.

I doubt that it would be as much fun as this but……

Yours, diablog, contemplating the disappearing navel

Glynsky

 

ER

Wait, I can explain

Dear Reader,

I stumbled across this:

The wife came home early, found her husband in their bedroom making love to a very attractive young woman, and was upset.

‘You are a disrespectful pig!’ she cried. ‘How dare you do this to me – a faithful wife, the mother of your children! I’m leaving you. I want a divorce!’

The husband replied ‘Hang on just a minute, love, so at least I can tell you what happened.’

‘Fine, go ahead,’ she sobbed, ‘but they’ll be the last words you’ll ever say to me.’

And so the husband began:

‘Well, I was getting into the car to drive home and this young lady here asked me for a lift. She looked so down and out and defenseless that I took pity on her and let her into the car. I noticed that she was thin, poorly dressed and very dirty. She told me that she hadn’t eaten for three days!

So, in my compassion, I brought her home and warmed up the enchiladas I made for you last night – the ones you wouldn’t eat because you’re afraid you’ll put on weight. The poor thing devoured them in moments.

Since she needed a good clean up I suggested a shower, and while she was doing that I noticed her clothes were dirty and full of holes, so I threw them away.

Then, as she needed clothes, I gave her the designer jeans that you have had for a few years, but don’t wear because you say they are too tight.

I also gave her the underwear that was your anniversary present, which you don’t wear because I don’t have good taste.

I went and found the sexy blouse my sister gave you for Christmas the one that you don’t wear just to annoy her.

And I also donated those boots you bought at that expensive shoe boutique and don’t wear because someone at work has the same pair.’

The husband took a quick breath and continued:

‘She was so grateful for my understanding and help, and as I walked her to the door she turned to me with tears in her eyes and said,

‘Please, do you have anything else that your wife doesn’t use?’

 

Use it or lose it,

Engine Room

Glynsky

bridge over troubled water…

Dear diablog,

I had mentioned a while back that Pete still lives – and here’s the proof that he is still the irascible ol’ Pete as there always was!

In his idyllic garden he has some captives

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amongst the acres of boring landfill

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which he decided needed reorganisation. Thus aided by two young workers shipped in for the day

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whom he willingly offered to pay using items rescued from earlier civilisations .

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Continue reading

ER

Monday Morning Smile

Dear Reader,

Since Pete continues his leave of absence, we do not get his brilliant jokes anymore. Yet, there is no better way to start your week than with a smile.

A butcher was opening his market one morning and as he did a rabbit popped his head through the door.
The butcher was surprised when the rabbit inquired: ‘Got any cabbage?’

The butcher said: ‘This is a meat market, we sell meat, not vegetables.’
The rabbit hopped off.

The next day the butcher is opening the shop and sure enough the rabbit pops his head round and says: ‘You got any cabbage?’
The butcher now irritated says: ‘Listen you little rodent, I told you yesterday we sell meat. We do not sell vegetables and the next time you come here, I am going to grab you by the throat and nail those floppy ears to the floor.’
The rabbit disappeared hastily and nothing happened for a week.

Then one morning the rabbit popped his head around the corner and said: ‘Got any nails?’
The butcher said: ‘No.’ The rabbit said: ‘OK. Got any cabbage?’

Enjoy your day,

Engine Room

ER

Not so small talk

Dear Reader,

One of the main ideas of diablog is to provide you with “stuff” for water cooler talk. Sometimes we get side tracked, or more accurately, I take you off that track. One of the reasons, I suck at small talk.

The weather? It is what it is, and all scientists cannot predict what it will be tomorrow. See the recent “Blizzard Juno”, what a joke that prediction was. It is winter, we got some snow, what a surprise!

Sports? I could not care less. Who is playing the Superbowl this Sunday? I have no clue. This Sunday I will be at some party/event, not watching the game. Instead I will indulge in food and drinks and conversations.

If you are like me, when it comes to small talk, the All Souls College at Oxford University provides some help. Their entrance exam has a few questions, which make for an interesting (party) conversation, or if you want to get to know somebody. Here are a few examples from the archive.

From 2013:

Continue reading

ER

How’s Pete?

Dear Reader,

Our beloved commentator Casper

casper

keeps asking me about Pete. With great pleasure I am able to provide what is believed to be a recent record of the missing protagonist of diablog:

He seems well and happy.

Stay tuned,

Engine Room