Janet Street Cleaner

I am even more worried than usual about your strange taste in women.
Your international HQ is already
groaning at the seams with Blond on Blonds,
+ the brunettes, redheads and Helen the hermaphrodite.

One would have thought that would be enough for one older
man with one remaining heart valve, but not you.

I read on this very Diablog that you have gone and fallen
in love with Janet Street Porter.
Her surname alone would suggest her background,
and what with you being an part time Italian Count,
I see no future in this relationship.
I would remind you that the woman has a mouth on her,
the size of Inner London, in all senses of the word.

I would refer you to some her more famous quotes shown below:

‘Blogs are for anoraks who couldn’t get published any other way.’

‘Caesar salad is one of my favourite lunch foods. You can shovel it in and talk at the same time.’

‘I’ve owned more sofas than I’ve had husbands. Both sag in the end, ‘

My strong advice would be to give up this worryingly weird
wannabee now before its too late,
and all your teeth fall out. Mind you she could always lend you some of hers.

the real deal (2)…

Fine, point taken Pete and will no longer refer to ‘alphabet letter 12 alphabet letter 3’ again – but only if you promise not to as well.

Here’s a new one for you and not klezmer music – I have found some which will follow sometime.

You mentioned the Albert Hall – as you know I go as often as possible (their ‘Ignite’ series is excellent, especially the free music at lunchtime in the caff during the winter). You can snack for flumpence and hear superb music to almost any taste.

Huge excitement, Paolo Conte is on but only has one appearance in the UK (16th November) for his latest European tour, as part of the London Jazz Festival.

Why only one, heaven only knows, and to make things worse it sold out before I could lay my hands on one or four. You lucky punters going there, enjoy – and think of me trembling in the cold in the hands of a tout.

If you don’t know him, great man that he is, try this:

which you may know, or:

Have a nice day diablog,


cut the crap (2)…

Dear Diablog (and Pete!),

First, how wonderful that you should a) own up, o obdurate one and b) recognise the little people in the Glynsky International HQ who slave away for you, Pete, and the tax payer. And the selection of raven headed as well as blonde ‘Snow Whites’ we have is second to none – you can get off my lap now dear!

As an aside, when we founded the HQ we were going to call ourselves ‘The Humpin’ Pumpin’ Co. Ltd.’!

Your list is by no means complete but is, as usual, concise!

There is one major one to add:  Airport security.

What on earth is all that about? As a cynic I pose the question:

How many have they caught – ever – anywhere!

The only ‘recent’ attempt at I can recall was the misguided Mr. Reed who got through anyway!!!

The simplistic answer that it ‘discourages’ attempts is not acceptable – did banning smoking in school 50 years ago stop smoking – Non! Does having jails discourage crime – Non!

The probable answers are
a) that as we have no real industry left and are surrounded by other humans who have a psycopathic need to hit things which used to be solved by giving them a hammer and rivets and
b) the only way our ridiculous ‘touchy feely’ governments (who are desperate not to upset anyone) know how to control people is to, at all times, keep them afraid. ‘They’ therefore exploit natural concern and invent a way to keep neanderthals busy by making them airport security ‘operatives’ or parking wardens.

Who is terrorising who here? The best I can suggest is that we are governed by a bunch of lilylivered Grauniad readers!

Slightly apropos, I fell in love yesterday – twice!!

Continue reading “cut the crap (2)…”

Grumpy Pumpey

My mentor or more accurately tormentor, Glynsky, used the word Grumpy to describe me of all people, in one of his recent comments.
I accept the honorary title with great pleasure.

It has got to be better than going through life being known as Droopy, or one of the other seven Glynskys.

Having checked I found to my dismay there is no Droopy or for that matter Humpy in Snow White.
I must have been reading some dodgy x rated Fairy Tales in my youth.

However I am delighted that Glynsky has raised the subject of me being a bit grouchy, talk about the pot calling the kettle…

These days I wake up Grumpy (whoever she is) and am quite capable of staying that way most of the day.
It is a skill I have developed from an early age and it’s quite possible that nobody does it better.

There is no room on the Internet let alone this Diablog for a full listing of what can drive us to distraction, but today’s short list includes:

  • Unsolicited Telephone sales calls
  • Putting the clocks forward or back, twice a year, so from this weekend we shall be plunged into eternal darkness until some bureaucrat decides it is Spring
  • VAT returns where we act as unpaid tax collectors for HM Government
  • Junk E mails. How much Viagra can one man take?

I could go on, but it is time open the debate to the Diablog

and as usual we welcome all your comments.

New Feature – twitter tweeting tweets

Dear Reader,

After suffering through Glynsky’s horrible music recommendation – no link, don’t go there (!) – my ears needed a break. Size and receptiveness of my ears is the envy of the NSA, by the way.

My thoughts wandered to more enjoyable sounds like birds chirping. From there it was a short step to setting us up for Twittering.

If you are familiar with Twitter, that’s it. All others, please read on.

Continue reading “New Feature – twitter tweeting tweets”